Conviction VS Condemnation

Over the course of 12 years, as I journeyed in faith and encountered Christ, my path was marked by various ups and downs, similar to a roller coaster. There were seasons of close communion with God, followed by periods of profound distance. Reflecting on these experiences now, I realize that proximity to God was often linked to my active engagement in church, scripture study, and prayer, whereas times of distance stemmed from challenging circumstances or my own regrettable decisions.

During trying circumstances, feelings of hopelessness or wavering faith would occasionally surface, leading to frustration and even anger directed towards God. Poor choices seemed to compound upon one another, triggering a downward spiral of guilt and unworthiness. Though I sought forgiveness, I struggled to accept it, consumed by self-imposed condemnation and shame.

What I failed to grasp then was that forgiveness was granted the moment I asked for it. Instead, I harbored a belief in the need for self-punishment, perpetuating a cycle of guilt and shame. However, God, in His mercy, would gently draw me back to Himself.

In hindsight, I understand that the discomfort I felt after making poor choices was the Holy Spirit's gentle conviction, urging me towards repentance. I mistakenly equated this conviction with condemnation, failing to recognize it as evidence of God's transformative work within me. While I once associated such feelings solely with significant transgressions, I now experience them even in response to minor infractions. Yet, I've come to embrace this conviction as a sign of God's active presence in my life.

Now, when I stumble, I swiftly turn to repentance and consciously choose to believe in my forgiveness. This revelation has been liberating, affirming that conviction serves as a catalyst for genuine repentance. All my sins—past, present, and future—have been forgiven by the sacrificial blood of Jesus. All I need to do is ask, and in that very moment, I am cleansed and clothed in His righteousness. This profound truth, coupled with God's ongoing work in my life, fills me with awe and gratitude, transforming me from a sinner to a redeemed child of God, and turning the ashes of my past into beauty.